Dear Lamont,

A haiku:

Cream cheese frosting is
Tasty atop red velvet
A Slippery Slope.

Love,
Burly

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I'M EATING YOUR CAKE FOR YOU! I know... I know. I'll go do push ups now.)

Dear Lamont,

What I need is comfort food, a big ass fried chicken breast or some meatloaf.

What I'm eating is 2 veggie burger patties with ketchup.

My period hopes you're happy.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Oh my gosh, I just saw myself on TV and I think I probably need to do more chin exercises. I thought that extra chin was gone, but it was just hiding, waiting for a camera crew to reappear publicly. Kind of like Britney Spears, but you know, more chinny.

Back on track in a major way today, by the way.
Burly

Dear Lamont,

I don't wanna talk about it.

<3,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

We're not even going to count calories right now. Went to a friends wedding, ate a lot of m&m's before dinner, ate my cake, ate my way through the night. But it was a wedding, and I don't think my quality of life would be where I want it if I can't have fun and forget that I'm on a health kick now and again. This is the first time since the holidays that I've officially gone way over my calories for the day, so I'd say it was well deserved and I'll be back on it tomorrow.

Here's to hoping the pile of Andes Mints doesn't show up in my gut tomorrow for team photos. I'm cool with getting whats coming to me, but oh boy I hope it puts it off for at least the next 16 or so hours.

The real thing here is being okay with having a night of eating without letting it ruin what I've done. We'll see, but I think I'm finally strong enough not to let this bog me down for the rest of the week.

-A very satisfied Burly

Dear Lamont,

Oh boy do I ache, but I know its worth it. Its worth it, right?

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Tonight I pretended to be you.

Wait, that sounds creepy.

I channeled my inner Lamont and led not one but TWO workouts with the team. That's two hours of emulating your workouts.

That said, if I'm in a lot of pain and unable to move for you tomorrow, well, you know what I got up to.

So should I name my personal training whiz-kid franchise Burly of Steel or Body by Burly?

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Rain makes me lazy. I got halfway though my homework and just sat down, never to get up again.

You can give me my push ups now.

Or not now, maybe when I'm a little more motivated. Because tonight its all about me, my butt and this sofa.

Regards,
Burly

P.S. I was doing really well, I even beat my previous "record" on the globe jumps, which you know I hate. So that almost counts. Give me 25 push ups instead of 50, k? K.

Dear Lamont,

Today I got compared to Hayley Mills. Specifically Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap. I'm going to take this as a compliment- not as 'there's so much blonde in here its like there are two of you'- and attribute this to my weight loss uncovering my girlish features.




She was right, you almost can't tell which one is me, and which is Hayley. I can't believe that I actually was part of such a monumental Disney film.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

First bout of the season and, well, we lost. By a lot. BUT... oh and this is a big but(t... snicker) I was skating without getting winded, and I had my own little moment of personal breakthrough and glory- someone fell in front of me and without though, i just jumped the fuck over her.

No really, it was like, legit. I think I'm officially really a derby skater now. It was so freakin' cool. All of those sucky, sucky power jumps totally have paid off.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Losing weight is a learning experience. Tonight I learned not to bring hummus and carrots into the house and expect to not go overboard. Oh boy Fresh and Easy has a good hummus.

Post-hummusly yours,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Feeling pretty sick- I do fine when I'm not eating but no matter the food its given me trouble all day. I also realize I'll be bouting in just a few days, so I did the short version of your homework- 30 seconds instead of a minute. I'm currently drinking tea and trying to calm the tummy, but at least I did something. Its better than eating crackers and drinking ginger ale and hating the world for giving out stomach viruses. Even sick, I feel myself jumping higher on the globe jumps. That's pretty spiffy.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

I have a stomach something. I'm okay if I'm sitting, a mess if I'm moving and generally feeling icky.

I was really conflicted leaving early last night from practice, it feels like failure even though i can't control what my body does when I'm sick. And I know there would have been puke had I stayed.

Ugh.


Just ugh.

-Burly

Dear Lamont,

Be faster, grow stronger, eat smarter.

Right. So those are kind of goals in my mind. You wanna know what else is bouncing around in my mind? Your voice. Eat smarter is not even an option to ignore nowadays. I hear you saying "Fried macaroni and cheese? Thats crazy." and I just can't do it.

Tonight it was pizza. As you know, I had my Al's Cafe fix for the month this afternoon. So I had roughly 400 calories left for the day, in other words. The problem is that on Sundays we go to my grandma's and order take out and totally pig out and laugh at everything under the sun.

Tonight was a pizza night, and there was no way of getting around it, so Amanda and I offered to pick up the pies and on our way, dropped into the grocery and bought some leafy greens, cucumber and fake chicken. I didn't think I'd have the willpower to do it, we're talking Hawaiian pizza- food from heaven. But I remembered your no carbs at dinner thing and after staring longingly at the open box of saucy-cheesy-pineapply-canadian-bacony delight, I backed away and piled more salad and soy product on my plate.

And I came out 50 calories under my daily allowance. Can I get a hell yeah?

Thing is, I'm really liking that when I step on my scale it flirts just a little with 179 before it finally decides I'm 181. Those 170's have been elusive for years and I'm pretty amazed that I'm almost there. I'm excited that my 12's are requiring a belt and when those are gone I'll HAVE to shop because I have never worn anything smaller than a 12 since I was 12. And that fake chicken wasn't so bad, and at 80 calories for half a package I think its my new favorite thing in the world. So I was able to summon up the willpower at the end of the day that I didn't have earlier. I know that I'm going to slip up and make bad choices, but I guess that the whole point of adapting to a new lifestyle is letting myself making bad decisions, only being better at it.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

I didn't just eat that Philly Cheese Steak from Al's Cafe. And by 'didn't' I most assuredly mean 'did'...

So I guess It'll be a salad for dinner again.

Delightfully fulfilled,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Just found out we're taking team pictures in a few weeks.

I think I need to go do my homework. These arms are NOT ready for the photographer.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Remember how we did that whole throwing the 10lb medicine ball thing where I was on the floor crunching up? Yeah, so do I. Now, I forgive you, but these arms... well, they may not.

Unable to move,
-Burly

Dear Lamont,

What should have sucked was totally awesome. I hate those suicides. I hate those One Two Threes. Oh dear lord, I hate those push ups and then running it out. But wow, today I was able to do them without blacking out and seeing stars. Apparently I am improving.

Thanks for noticing, I appreciated that you reinforced this for me. You don't know how much.

I still feel like I got hit by a truck, though. I guess if I didn't ache it wouldn't be worth paying you for, right?

-Burly

Dear Lamont,

I love that I can pig out more if I eat healthier things.

You don't wanna know how many whole wheat reduced fat cheese quesadillas with Chick'n Strips I just had. Because I had to eat them. To hit my daily calories mark. Heck yeah.

Love,
Burly

P.S. Okay, it was two, but shut up, it felt decadent.

Dear Lamont,

I think you're on to me...

But I'll have you know mister "So you can write that in your blogs..." that I'm eating an apple and peanut butter right now. NOT an milkshake and fries like my brain is telling me I want.

So you can hint around that you know about me and my blogging all you want, but this girl- cheddar burgers aside- is on a straight and narrow path to becoming Shakira.

Minus the rhythm. And you know, general likeability.

BUT THOSE ABS ARE GONNA BE MINE.

Cordially,
Burly

P.S. I owe you for being a dork and not remembering to tell everyone to bring their money tonight for you. Okay, I owe you 3xhowever many girls we had there tonight. But instead I'll pump up your Central Valley's Greatest Loser gig, hows that?

Dear Lamont,

Yeah, I did it. And it tasted GOOOOOD.

And I even did manage to almost block you from the back of my mind until I took my first bite. Then I made some adjustments and went back to my happy place. And then once I was in the Safety Dance video, I finished eating my Cheddar Burger from Cosmopolitan with just one half of the bun, and lettuce on top.

And it was good.

Gonna go do my push ups now.

Love,
Burly (Who can't believe that she let the cat out of the bag about her happy place.)

Dear Lamont,

Doing 50 pushups to see if I can do them before I go and do the thing I'm planning on doing tomorrow (that involves cheddar cheese) which I know will wind up in me doing 50 pushups for you. If I can't do them now, I most assuredly won't be able to after the stuff I plan on puttin in mah belleh at lunch.

We'll see how this goes.

Burly

EDIT: Yeah, I did em. I almost didn't make it past 45 but I summoned my inner Burly and pushed out 5 more in the name of cheddar.

Dear Lamont,

I'd type more but it hurts to move.

Love,
Burly

Dear Lamont,

Ate a HUUUUGEEEE lunch that was actually breakfast foods. Ate a healthy dinner with lots of spinach.

Walked for a few hours with the kids and the dogs.

And realized my quads hate stationary bikes for 10 minutes.

I'm only 200 calories over, but I burned a crapload of calories in return. Negate this, hashbrowns and mini pancakes!

See you tomorrow!

Love,
Burly