Sunday, December 20, 2009

Dear Lamont,

I have news. I have lost weight. Well... you won't actually know about this weight because to your scale it'll just look like I'm maintaining, but let me tell you, its been a lot of work getting rid of 4 mystery pounds this week.

Where do they come from? I like to think its my gigantic bulging muscles that cause such huge weight gains, but you can only use that excuse so much before people start to notice that you still have people-of-Wal-Mart arms.

Anyway, I also wanted to report that while I was no saint last night at the NoTown Christmas Party (potato products and cheese and eggnog? I am weak in their presence) I was, for lack of better word, restrained. I only filled my plate once and I worked really hard to pretend that dessert was a steaming pile of baby poop and it worked. And I'm back to 184.6 lbs again.

Also, thank you for killing my ability to walk today. I'll be caring for my children from the sofa. They can find their lunch in the cookie and cracker crumbs that are in the carpet because I haven't been able to vacuum today due to my rubberlegs. I can tell I'll be looking like Lady Gaga in no time. I'll have my Hair-bow and latex dress at the ready.


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